Military Funnies

Got this from a friend.  Seen it before but it's pretty funny.  This is a pretty somber weekend as we remember the heroes who have given the last full measure of devotion for our freedom.  So we need to remember the lighter side.  If you've ever been in the military, you'll take this as the joke that it is.  If you haven't...IT'S A JOKE!

Marine Corps Rules: 
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. 
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough. 
3. Have a plan. 
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work. 
5. Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet. 
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.' 
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive. 
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal preferred.) 
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. 
10. Flank your adversary. When possible, protect yours. 
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. 
12. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived. 
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.. 

Navy SEAL Rules: 
1. Look very cool in sunglasses. 
2. Kill every living thing in sight. 
3. Adjust Speedo. 
4. Check hair in mirror. 

US Army Rangers' Rules: 

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving. 
2. Locate individuals requiring killing. 
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing. 
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted. 
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving. 

US Army Rules: 

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order. 
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee. 
3. Curse bitterly. 
4. Curse bitterly. 
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed. 
6. Curse bitterly. 

US Air Force Rules: 
1. Have a cocktail. 
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner. 
3. See what's on HBO. 
4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?' 
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation. 
6. Wine and dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD and defense industry executives. 
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets. 
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally. 
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.

10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict, but close enough to have tax exemption. 

US Navy Rules: 

1. Go to Sea. 
2. Drink Coffee. 
3. Deploy Marines