Daddies

I've thought about this subject several times over the last few years as our culture seems to be fraying.

First a few caveats.  I'm an old guy...a baby boomer.  So that means I've been around a long time and have developed certain views.  The corollary of that is that I pride myself on keeping up with current trends, technology, evolving standards in society, etc.  So I'm not an old fuddy-duddy, but I do have some ideas that I believe have been developed over time that make sense.  Clearly I come from the generation that in the '60s had the mantra, "if it feels good, do it".  But that was then, this is now.  Second, as I start to face my mortality and think about the future for my Grandchildren, I care about the direction that society is headed.  Nothing lasts forever.  And if we're not careful we could lose this wonderful place we live in.  Third,  I'm a Dad.  I've tried to set an example, to be there for my kids, to at least articulate standards of behavior and expectations.  I've not always been successful, but I'm proud of my family and I think I've had an impact on the people that my kids have become.

I saw an article today titled, "Yes, Katy Perry, Babies Need Daddies".  You can read it here.  The key pull quote for me is:

While adoption by singles is certainly better than having a child drift from one foster home to another—and there are many heroic single men and women who have adopted children domestically as well as from other countries—the flippant disregard expressed by Perry and others who would rather go to the sperm bank than build a solid marriage with a man (and then raise children on that strong foundation) is quite a different matter. It reveals failure to grasp not only the value of family but what actually constitutes a viable family. This isn’t to say that single moms or dads or homosexual couples can’t “make it work” (whatever that means), but if we want to build a strong, stable, good society, we have to be developing strong, stable, good individuals—and fathers are essential to that.

 The thing that has been nagging at me is that as we all argue endlessly about a woman's right to choose, the acceptability of homosexuality, the plight of the downtrodden and homeless, the ongoing supposed discrimination against minorities, and on and on and on, what get's lost is the need for stability.  I believe we've got to strive to give our kids guardrails and stability.  Limits have to be set.  Examples have to be shown.  As the quote says, many can "make it work".  And sometimes that's all that is available.  But to me, the message is that men must make more of an effort to make smart choices, to not give up on their families, to think through what it means to be a Father, and to strive continually to be present, persistent, and patient.  They have to be the role models and set the standards, in collaboration with their wives.  It's got to be a team effort.  And the key to raising kids is effort.

And here's another thing.  I've said this before.  Beyond all the incompetence and political shenanigans, my biggest disappointment in Obama is his failure to call out and demand better from black men.  It's no secret that the lack of Fathers in the black community is a huge problem.  He had a chance to make a difference.  He failed.